You know that old saying "sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me". WRONG. I'm not sure people realize the power their words have on other people. I was told very recently that I was "fat and ugly" and basically that I just didn't measure up as being worthy to be someone's friend and heaven forbid anything beyond that. This particular person says they believe in telling the truth even if it hurts. The bible says to speak the truth. But it says to do so "in love". There isn't one thing loving about telling someone they are fat and ugly or that they do not measure up.
I can remember a significant person in my life touching my stomach when we were out in public and telling me to "hold it in". The message I got from that - "I am ashamed of you. Hold your big stomach in so if someone I know sees us at least it won't look quite so big."
I was told all of the time by another person in my life that I was 'fat'. The sad thing was, I was not fat at the time but I believed that I was.
Words like this spoken to others often have lasting impacts and deeply wound the people that they are directed at.
People who think they must always speak the truth overlook a better option - to simply shut up. Just shut up. If you can't say something nice do not say anything at all.
Words spoken to others have tremendous power - both to build up and to put down. Use your words to build others up rather than to put them down. To do anything less is being a bully and a coward.
A New Normal
8 months ago
2 comments:
I am sorry that so many people in the past and recently have said unkind things to you about your weight. I especially think that the recent comments that equated your worthiness of being a friend was related to your size was quite untrue. I am sorry you have had to deal with this.
As you said, sometimes being quiet is the better option. Someone who does not know me well patted my stomach recently and asked about my baby. I know I am overweight, but I have lost weight and yes, though I laughed it off, it did sting. But, I do think it is worse coming from those we know well.
I hope that this person who made the very recent comments will consider that he/she may not have perfect physical features either...and perhaps he/she will see that speaking the truth at all costs is not really what the Bible says at all. While overeating which leads to being overweight is a spiritual issue with some people (turning to food as opposed to God--been there, done that), I would say in most cases, the person knows he/she has over indulged and any negative comments won't be helpful. Perhaps if the person was concerned about your health, I can see that saying something would be good...but there is a RIGHT way to do so. And yes, even that might hurt at first...but if they are putting a concern for you first...I think, in time, you will agree with them. Berating someone for a physical feature (weight, beauty...) has NO value as I see. And, from personal experience, I'd say it is not at all motivating to be put down. Rarely do people lose a great deal of weight because a person insulted their appearance.
I'll get off my soapbox now..but I am so sorry you are dealing with this issue.
All I have to say is Amen! Words should be used to build up not tear down.
Words are like toothpaste once you squeeze it out you can never put it back in, no matter how hard you try.
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