I bought this book by Gary Chapman not super long ago and really enjoyed it.
Basically, there are five different love languages. They are:
#1 - Words of affirmation
#2 - Quality Time
#3 - Gifts
#4 - Acts of Service
#5 - Physical touch
One thing that I got out of this book was that if I am not feeling loved by someone it is because they are not speaking my primary love language. It isn't that there is something wrong with me for not "getting" it, it is simply that they are speaking another language and it is one that doesn't communicate love to me in the same way that my primary love language does.
I took this whole concept a little further to realize that if I have someone in my life that does love me but I'm just not getting it then I probably am not very effective in communicating my love for them either since we are obviously speaking different languages based on my own "I'm not feeling the love type feelings".
Because God speaks my love language and your love language, He speaks all five love languages. If we are created in His image and we're to become more and more like Him and we are to love one another then it makes sense that we need to learn to speak all five love languages as well.
From the book "Scripture is clear that making the God connection is not a culmination, but rather a beginning. It also becomes clear that this love relationship with God involves an ongoing association with other members of the family. So as we learn to receive the love of God in all five love languages, we also begin to speak those languages to other believers as well as those not yet in God's family. Expressing love using your primary love language will come naturally for you. Learning to speak the other four love languages may require more time and effort. However, we must remember that we don't generate the love, but simply channel the love that God provides. We do not love others in order to be accepted by God; we love them in response to God's first loving us and graciously accepting us into His family. Learning to communicate love in all five love languages enhances our usefulness in the community of God. When love prevails in the Christian community, the non-Christian world will beat a path to our doors, for they desperately long for such love. Again, hear the words of Jesus: "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another". Love is the distinguishing mark of the Christian. When God's love flows through us in all five love languages, we become surprisingly effective instruments in helping others make the God connection and enter His family. Despite any other challenges or obstacles we may face, love prevails!"
I think this is where we miss the boat so often as Christians. We don't love one another. We judge. We condemn. We shoot our wounded. We turn our backs on those we once claimed to care about because we don't understand or we don't agree or we get scared or just whatever. We as Christians are the church and the church should be a safe place where we can be real. But, so often it isn't and that is sad. And we wonder why the non-Christian world isn't beating a path to our door.
A New Normal
8 months ago
4 comments:
This is very interesting. I read the Love Languages book years ago ( I think it was related to mates in particular), but this is not how I remember it at all....guess it's time for a refresher course--LOL! I do think that we often try to communicate love in the way that we want to get it, not realizing that the other person may not hear it that way at all. By understanding the languages, we can learn to express it in different ways, but we can also learn to recognize it in others when they are not expressing it in the way we prefer. Lots to think about....Thanks for sharing what you are learning :)
I think on an intellectual level, you may be able to recognize love in others if they are not expressing it in the way we prefer but he made several points throughout the book that basically said if you are not expressing love to someone in their primary love language they are not going to feel loved. The point he made in several different scenarios was that you have to learn to speak the person's primary love language
on a frequent basis or they will not feel loved by you. Not that you cannot speak the others to that person but it is important to know their love language and to speak it frequently if you want them to feel loved by you.
Hmmmmmm.....I guess I really DO need a refresher course....as I don't remember this at all. I do remember taking a 'test' to see what my love language is and my mate's as well, and then being encouraged to develop those...but I guess it would be good to be reminded of ALL of them so that I am sure to use them all as I now have lots of new people in my life (child, friends, family members..) that were not there 15+ years ago when I did this. Thanks for the reminder :) I'll look for a copy of this book to highlight and mark up and learn from.
Well put. I read that book a couple of years ago. I completely agree with your last statements about the church and love.
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